


Family Photo Faux Pas

by JA_Authoress



Series: Muggle Mishaps [39]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, January 1979, M/M, Swearing, drunk Lily, jily, reindeer decorating, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5794138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JA_Authoress/pseuds/JA_Authoress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>January 23, 1979</p>
<p>After a little bit too much to drink at her girls'-night-in, Lily stumbles home with one thing in mind: To make a better Christmas family photo than Mary MacDonald.  Drunk-Lily knows exactly how to achieve it too.  Naturally, the remaining Marauders are more than happy to help.</p>
<p>“Umm, Lily, love of my life, what exactly are you doing?”</p>
<p>“James.  I need a reindeer for my card.”</p>
<p>“… I’m sorry, one more time.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need a fiancé right now, I need a reindeer, and since you’re the closest thing I have to one, I need you to stag up.  Right now.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family Photo Faux Pas

January 23, 1979

Lily Evans was not drunk. 

Not in the least. 

She could hold her alcohol better than most people.

The fact that she had had an entire bottle of scotch, and two bottles of wine between herself and Marlene was irrelevant.

The young witch paused in the middle of the sidewalk and swayed lightly. She put her hands out in front of her to steady herself as she continued on her way. 

“Bloody sidewalk is worse than the enchanted staircase back at Hogwarts,” she muttered darkly. 

A woman out walking her dog gave her a wide berth.

Lily didn’t care. She was on a mission.

A very serious mission.

“Ugh, Black completely ruined that word. Damn him.”

A cute couple out for a romantic walk split up to move around the witch, who was still walking with wide outstretched arms.

“At least it’s not cold out.”

It was actually quite cold, but with the amount of alcohol flowing through her body at the moment thwarted off any feeling of being cold.

The stairs up to her apartment were even worse than the sidewalk!

“Bollocks, I could have taken the elevator!” Lily growled, crawling up the last three steps of the stairs to the second floor. She looked around her and giggled at the sudden realization of the absurdity of it all. “Two more flights!”

The giggling and precarious swaying continued the whole time, including the hallway of her floor. A few people actually cracked open their doors to make sure she was alright, but they went blissfully unnoticed.

Lily was a witch on a mission.

There was a problem with her mission, though, and that was her keys. They wouldn’t go into the hole. It was time to use her secret weapon.

“James. James! JAMES! JAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!”

The door flew open and an incredibly concerned fiancé stood in the doorframe.

“Lily! Love! What’s wrong?!”

Lily blinked slowly, then snorted. She continued her giggle fit, ducking under her incredibly concerned fiancé’s arm to enter their flat.

The rest of the Marauders sat awkwardly sprawled all over her living room. Peter took up residence near the fireplace, watery eyes darting around for the nearest escape route. Sirius and Remus were practically sitting in each others laps on the love seat. They seemed to be frozen, unsure of exactly what to do.

Lily cooed at the image.

“Umm, not that I’m not happy to have you back,” James started quickly, waving his arms in front of himself. Lily grabbed onto his hands and slowly swayed to nonexistent music. “Lily, my love, it’s only half seven, on a Monday, and you are quite drunk.”

“Well obviously!” Lily whacked his hands away from her. “Mary still had her bloody Christmas cards out at her flat. She’s obnoxious like that, you know?”

“Not really, but carry on.” Sirius said. He was quickly jabbed in the ribs by Remus, who hissed, “Don’t encourage her!”

“Well, there I was, having a lovely girls’ night in, and Mary goes and points out her collection, and you know what?!”

“What?” Peter squeaked, unable to help himself.

“She goes and points out her Christmas card.”

“No.” Sirius gasped. Remus gave up trying to discourage him, and in fact simply went along with it all.

“Yes! She had her own Christmas card on her sodding mantel, and you know what the bloody thing had on it?”

“Lily, I do believe we’ve established that we know absolutely nothing about any of this.” Remus said carefully.

James flailed about behind Lily to try and get him to stop, but the damage was done.

“She was with her bloody boyfriend all cuddly and shite in a brilliant red sleigh being pulled by a FUCKING REINDEER!” the little bit of sober-Lily left behind was immensely happy that she’d had the forethought to case muffling charms on the flat, for James’s boys-night-in. 

“How dare she!” James quipped up. Sirius looked absolutely scandalized.

“That bitch!” Remus blurted out before he could stop himself. Well, not exactly, he could have most definitely stopped himself, but drunk-Lily was too much to pass up.

“Thank you! Now, I can’t let her win next year. We’re doing this thing, right now!”

Lily stumbled out of the room. She still had her boots on, although she was making quick work of her coat. “It’s so damn hot in here!”

James, mouth twitching in an attempt to quell his laughter.

“All right Marauders, guess our night got cut a bit short—”

Peter side-glanced his watch while taking another swig of his beer, and grunted.

“—but please, just do whatever she wants. It can’t be that bad. We will all make it through this, together.”

James put his hand in the middle. Peter shuffled over on his arse and put his fist up. Sirius hesitated, and Remus rolled his eyes before shoving their joined hands to meet with the other two.

There was about five whole seconds of unity.

“Buggering bloody hell!” Lily cursed off-screen. There was a large thump, and an odd dragging sound. Lily reemerged with her hair tied up in a haphazard bun, dragging a box of recently put away decorations into the living room.

“Umm, Lily, love of my life, what exactly are you doing?”

“James. I need a reindeer for my card.”

“… I’m sorry, one more time.”

“I don’t need a fiancé right now, I need a reindeer, and since you’re the closest thing I have to one, I need you to stag up. Right now.”

James opened and closed his mouth several times. Sirius howled with laughter in the background. Beer came out of Peter’s nose. Remus was laughing right along with his boyfriend.

James whirled around to his friends. “Help me!” he hissed.

Sirius wiped away the tears from his eyes. His eyeliner smudged and it somehow managed to look even better. “Prongs, James, my dearest brother, we are only following your wishes.”

James made a strangled sound, eyes darting between the fireplace (escape route 2), the decoration box, the door (escape route 1), the window (escape route 3), and Lily Evans (the love of his life).

He knew what he had to do.

There was a small pop, and a brilliant stag with massive, sharp antlers filled the room. It didn’t look overly impressed.

Lily smiled. “I knew you loved me!” she squished his face and kissed the furry bridge of his snout. “This is going to be the best family Christmas photo ever. That Mary twat can cry over her second-rate photos.”

“Err, Lily, I thought you liked Mary.”

“Oh, I do! But not when she’s being a competitive little witch.”

“Right, of course, sorry. Carry on!” 

James snorted. 

*fifteen minutes later*

Lily stepped back with Peter to admire their drunken handiwork.

“I don’t know…” she swayed a bit, tilting her head to the side. “It’s missing something.”

“I for one think Prongs would look fetching with more tinsel—OW! He stamped on my foot! Evans! Control your fiancé. Moony! Kiss it better.”

Remus added another ornament to James’s antler. “I am most certainly not kissing your foot, Pads.”

“Mooooonnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy!

*ten minutes after that*

“Bloody perfect. You lot are geniuses. Crafty geniuses.”

“You hear that Wormtail? Please make a note of that, on the 23rd of January 1979, Lily Evans called us geniuses. That’ll be something to tell the grandchildren about.”

“The only time Lily ever called us geniuses.” Remus smirked. He watched as Peter subtly took out the diary Sirius had gotten him for Christmas and actually made a note of the event.

James stood as still as he could, although the absolutely death glare was quite visible around the tinsel that was flowing around him.

“That wreath was a brilliant idea, Wormtail, I commend you on your craftiness. Moony, I demand to be carried home. My foot still hurts because you didn’t kiss it better.”

Peter made another note in his diary.

“We’re Flooing home, Pads, I’m not carrying you anywhere.”

“Where’s my camera?” Lily waltzed unsteadily around the room. “Camera? Oh, camera, where are you?”

“Here, Evans!” Sirius held up the muggle contraption.

Lily quickly, drunkenly, went about setting it up.

“Should we mention to Lily that she can’t use this as a family photo without getting her fiancé arrested?”

Sirius smiled and shook his head. “Not yet I think, let’s let Prongs have that honour. Right now, it’s picture time!”

“Ten seconds!” Lily shouted, half tripping on her way over to her stag. She threw her arms around his strong neck and planted a kiss on his furry left cheek.

Sirius took the right side. Remus laughed behind him.

Peter laid seductively in front of them all.

Click.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this one was much better than the last, if I do say so myself. Please thank Bunny for this one because her request for me back in December was "please make Lily dress James up at a reindeer". It's a little late, but better late than never, eh? Also, she came up with the absolutely brilliant title. Like, how perfect was that...? I'm not exactly sure whose point of view this was from. Like, I meant it to be entirely in Lily's perspective, but then Remus happened and then... yeah... voila.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's followed along with me so far! Please leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed this episode~
> 
> If anyone can draw, this would definitely be one of the top requests from me... and probably Bunny, but I think she's still sleeping.
> 
> Have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> And remember! In a pinch, a stag can look like reindeer if you drink a lot and squint a bit. Also if you decorate it. Careful though, they don't really like it, but will go through anything to make their fiancées happy.


End file.
